Three Great Things about being a Working Mom

I thought that when one becomes a mom, a switch would turn on that would instantly make one into a domesticated goddess. Before I started my maternity leave, I had delusions of waking up from bed, baby in tow, preparing breakfast for my family, keeping said baby occupied while I get the chores done, and just being able to stay on top of everything: the baby, my husband, the house, my life.

The anesthesia really did a number on my brain because that was far from the reality that I had. Entering the second week of keeping my newborn alive, I was questioning the universe if diaper changes, mastitis, and sleep-deprivation were all there is to motherhood. I envy the moms who found joy early, finding pleasure at the mere sight of their still-wrinkled spawns.

I, on the other hand, resented the role I felt I was thrust into without warning. The baby had been inside my belly and albeit my lumbering gait and constant trips to the bathroom, my schedule was MY OWN. Then the baby comes out and suddenly, there were only HIS concerns and HIS needs. And my goodness, babies are needy creatures indeed. At the end of my two and half months of maternity leave, I was ready to go back to work.

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There are many ways to be a parent and many arrangements that can make a family work. I found my sweet spot in being a working mom and here are the reasons why:

1. I come home ready to be a mom.

Being around my newborn son 24/7 was not good for my sanity. I told my husband one night that I felt lonely every time he went to work or out to run some errands because it's not like I can have meaningful conversation with a one-month-old child. Motherhood is a physically demanding task. It involves putting the baby to sleep, breastfeeding, cleaning up, and carrying around a fragile bundle all while running on little or no sleep. AND THEN, you have to take care of yourself. Meanwhile, there were a million thoughts racing through my head with no outlet.

When I went back to work, I felt a sense of satisfaction doing things I was trained to do. I felt confident and competent. I knew what I needed and I had a million strategies in my arsenal to attain it. I guess I liked having that feeling of control and getting the assurance that I am good at something. It was enough. By the time I come home, I was ready again to be an imperfect mom to my son. I was once again that person who doesn't have all the answers and had to search if its "normal for baby's poop to be green." I go back to worrying endlessly if I am giving my child enough tummy time to meet all his developmental milestones. But having spent the entire day away from him, I face the challenge of being a new mom as an area of growth rather than just seeing myself as a disappointment.

2. I work more efficiently.

I am a teacher. An English teacher. Can you imagine the amount of paper checking that job involves? At a given time, I could be checking around 160 student papers, all essays, corrected for grammar, feedback given, and graded. I have NEVER experienced not bringing home work from all the years I have been teaching. That is until motherhood happened.

Because it was impossible for me to get any work done at home, I do not bring home work. Once, in a moment of hubris, I brought home a stack of paper to check over the weekend, and I ended up carrying the same stack back to school on a Monday UNTOUCHED. Did I get a workout? Yes. Did I get work done? No.

I really have to make my 8-hour work day be productive as possible. I didn't even have the luxury of staying overtime because I breastfeed and I needed to rush home with my precious supply of pumped milk. What I did was in between teaching hours, I spent my time checking assessments or preparing lessons days ahead. There was no room for coffee breaks or idle chatting with a co-workers; even lunch breaks were spent working. My work, you could say, really gets 100 percent from me but the situation actually functions both ways. When I get home, my son also gets his mom 100 percent.

3. I learned to be at peace with my limitations.

Before motherhood, I have this tendency of striving for the ideal. It's not a bad trait, but sometimes, nothing ever gets done because the work never seems good enough. I prepare lessons with constant revisions and additions until the day I am actually teaching, and even then, I am still not happy with what turns out. I would edit student papers meticulously only for the students to be more interested in the amount of squiggles I placed on their papers rather than what I actually wrote.

When a baby comes along, you are faced with the reality that *gasp* A DAY. HAS. ONLY. 24. HOURS!!! I have to face the choice: Either I continue on this track of idealistic outputs OR I get things done. This is not to say that I didn't do quality work anymore but if I am pressed with my 8-hour work time, I learned to forego the perfect lesson plan and be more realistic with my goals. If there is room for improvement, there is always the next lesson or next academic year or next task to be better.

At home, I learned to live with a little bit more clutter and--just between us--even exposed my kid to the television for that much needed breather. I also asked help from family. As an Asian, nothing rings more true than the saying, "It takes a village to raise a child." We literally have sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, yayas, grandparents, and even friends ready to step in and take on the role of guardians when parents are not around. I even received an offer from a relative that they are willing to watch over my son for a few hours if my husband and I wanted to watch a movie. We didn't take that offer of course but the gesture was very much appreciated.

I am very far from being Supermom, but I've got a very SUPER support system.

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Working gave me a better understanding of myself and my role as a mom. It's not a perfect situation, but this is my happy place.